


Courage

by theroomstops



Series: Moments [5]
Category: Bodyguard (TV 2018)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2020-01-15 15:20:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18501676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theroomstops/pseuds/theroomstops
Summary: She couldn’t bear to sit down again. Every part of her was telling her to run, only her heart fought to stay.After a door has been shut, it must be opened again. What happensafterDavid almost strangled Julia in the middle of a PTSD episode in 1.03?





	Courage

**Author's Note:**

> As this series follows the show, I felt it was important to deal with their darkest moment. That incident, in my mind at least, causes the shift that leads to Julia's confession at St Matthew's, and I wanted to deal with what we didn't see. The episode leaves them on opposite sides of the door, both in shock for different reasons. I thought it would be interesting to explore what happens if Julia didn't just close the door, but also opens it again. She has every reason not to, he could have accidentally killed her. But sometimes you find enough courage to try.

“Julia?”

“I'm here, David.”

They’d been sitting there for at least half an hour when she finally heard his voice, full of concern and worry. She wondered for a moment if he was cold too, the chill coming from the open window in the bedroom letting a slight breeze into her hotel suite. Her legs were freezing, and her knees slightly banged up from crawling away from him. Not exactly what she’d imagined when she’d woken up to him not next to her. Sitting on the floor, crying because of him - for him.

The anxiety and shock had subsided in the last few minutes; she’d re-gained control over her fear. She had listened intently for signs of him moving on the other side of the door. Occasionally she’d heard soft scratching and imagined that he too listened for signs, that he wanted to know that she was still there too.

“Please just tell me you’re alright. I can’t go to sleep unless I know you’re not hurt.” Not _‘I don’t want to.’ **Can’t.**_ They had gone too far, gotten in too deep now. She should have never made the initial phone call that drew him to her room in the first place. There were a lot of things she shouldn’t have done in her life that had all led to this moment, and her heart broke as his trembling voice repeated her name from the other side. 

“I’m not hurt, David. I promise.” She stood up, legs still shaky and cold as she unlocked the door and finally opened it again. He sat back on his bended knees, similarly to another night several days ago in her bathroom. Only this time, his eyes were puffy and red, cheeks tear stained and it was his whole body shaking with fear. 

She couldn’t bear to sit down again. Every part of her was telling her to run, only her heart fought to stay. Her whole body felt like an earthquake. Small, involuntary shakes inside of her as she stood there, looking down at him. Her eyes met his for the first time since his hands had encircled her throat and thrown her to the floor. She summoned the same courage that won her elections, that kind that had gotten her out of bed the day after a near-assassination. He seemed to have nothing left in him, it was her turn to be the strong one. 

“David, look at me.” She said clearly, and his eyes darted up to lock with hers, shocked and scared at the same time. Her whole body softened as she looked into his eyes. “I’m alright. You didn’t hurt me. Look at me, I’m not hurt at all. See? I was really frightened for a moment, but I’m alright now.”

He gasped slightly, hands falling to the floor as he leaned forward and drew many deep breaths. Her heart broke. All the fear she had felt for herself had washed away, replaced by worry for him. She stepped across the same threshold that had ripped at the skin on her knees when she’d crawled off in panic, to carefully lay a hand on the top of his head. His head lifted to look at her, her fingers stroking gently through his hair as she stood in silence. 

She felt a slight moment of panic, just for a second, when his arms wrapped around her and he leaned against her body. She remained standing, unwavering, on the floor, and let the salty tears fall down her cheeks as they wanted. She wrapped her arms around his head, his warm breath tickling through the thin fabric of her camisole as he tried to breath. He shook as he held onto her, but she stayed. Not moving an inch, not saying a word; just as he had done for her when she needed it. 

The irony of the situation struck her as her fingers stroked through his hair, and his tears stained her nightwear. She was now a victim of an attack brought on as a result of the stroke of her own pen. Thrown on a cold floor in the night, in the adjoining room belonging to the bodyguard she’d willingly shared her body and bed with, as an unwitting country debated whether she was fit to serve as their leader. Shakespeare couldn’t have written it more ironically tragic if he’d tried.

They stayed for a while, tears drying eventually as David’s breaths finally calmed. He held onto her as he stood up, wrapping her as completely as he could in his arms as he whispered _I’m sorry_ in her ear repeatedly. His voice cracked before the room went silent again.

She took a step away, a small one, so not to startle him. He looked… Broken. She took his hand carefully in her own, and started to walk towards her own room, when she felt his hand pull her back. “David, let’s go to sleep.”

“No, what if I...”

“David, you didn’t mean to. And I’m alright. I trust you. I...” Her voice trailed off as she caught herself. Now was not the time for declarations of love. She placed a hand on his cheek, forced him to look at her as she repeated. “I _trust_ you. Please, let’s get some sleep. We have all the time in the world to discuss things tomorrow, after my speech.”

She pulled on his hand again, grateful to feel him follow her this time. As she stepped in front of her hotel bed, she felt his arms hesitantly wrap around her from behind. “Thank you.” He said. A whisper, barely audible, even in the overwhelming silence of a dark room in the middle of the night. She let her body relax against his as he kissed her neck, lifting her hair to place a kiss in the back that gave her goose bumps. 

Julia put her hands over David’s and whispered back. “You need to rest.” He sighed appreciatively against her skin, and watched on as she climbed in between the ruffled sheets from earlier and held out her hand for him to take. He climbed in after her, but stayed near the edge, his feet pulled up as if to make himself as small as possible. She pulled the duvet up and covered his body with it as best she could without disturbing him. She heard him take a deep breath, his head turned just barely to look at her. Barely, but definitely turned. She shuffled forward until she reached his back, and without any hesitation she wrapped her arm around his waist and lay down behind him. He didn’t move, not even when her fingers found his. Not when her thumb caressed his hand, nor when she kissed his shoulder to let him know she wouldn’t go anywhere. 

“David?” She chose to whisper it, though she didn’t think he’d fallen asleep. His body was still trembling as he laid at the very edge of the bed. “Do you often have bad dreams?”

The question hung in the quiet for a while, before he nodded slightly.

“Are they---“ His fingers moved slightly against hers, and it startled her. “Are they the reason you went back to your bed tonight?”

“Yes.”

“Will you let me help you get better?” She didn’t really expect him to answer. Not even an hour ago he had outright denied her suggestions he needed help. She hoped that maybe with time, maybe even with her assistance, that he might let her help fix what she’d helped cause. She was surprised when he, in lieu of words, inched closer, just barely. She accepted it as a _maybe_.

He remained still and quiet, until she heard soft, calm breaths sounding into the room as he finally fell asleep. She let out the deep, unreleased breath she’d held since opening the door, grateful that the choice to do so had been the right one. 

 

In the morning, when Julia carefully got out of bed and watched as David slept soundly, she noticed the small bruise that had started to show by her collarbone. She felt guilty. In pain, not for herself, but for the man she thought she might love. She picked the dark pink button up shirt just to be safe, and knew it was time to make another choice.


End file.
